Are you raising a ‘Jayden’, the soft, entitled, indisciplined children?

In an era when children are closed off from others in society, negative effects are likely to creep up. These may make the child out of touch with the environment they live in. Society has baptised these kinds of children “Jayden”.

Francis Emukule examines the phenomenon and how it affects the child’s worldview.

About 15 years ago, the name Jayden gained popularity among middle-class parents but carried no local connotation until late 2024 when a video of a young man suffering from a cultural shock in his parents’ village during the festive season went viral on social media. 

In the video, a boy named Jayden was confronted with the harsh realities of life in his parents’ village. 

The comic portrayal showed villagers bending over backwards to make life comfortable for this child, sparking laughter and serious questions. Since then, the name Jayden denotes a child who is brought up in an environment that is out of touch with the harsh realities of Uganda. 

Jayden has left the village and gone to a local school where his teachers and peers are forced to bend the rules to keep from hurting his fragile ego. 

James Mukhwana, a teacher at one of the boarding schools in Mukono district, says they are receiving many children with a Jayden profile, and their parents sometimes want to extend soft parenting to boarding schools, especially during the time of reporting to school. 

“We always suffer with such parents, especially mothers. You clearly tell her that she is only allowed to visit her son on designated visitation days, but she breaks the rules and wants to see the child every week. They are very picky on where the child sleeps, eats and plays from,” he says. 

Mukhwana says they usually persuade such parents to trust the school system, but sometimes it becomes too much, and they are told to take the child away. 

He says when they identify a child with such a problem, they talk to the parent to encourage the child to socialise with others through sports, games and projects that require teamwork. “Scouting is particularly good in helping to break the ‘Jayden’ spirit. 

Shrewd people are also taking advantage of the Jayden children to make money from their parents through boot camps during the holidays. 

“At the boot camps, such children are taken through drills to make them bold and responsible, especially the boys,” Mukhwana says. 

He explains that if left unchecked, Jayden can grow into an entitled adult who will become a problem to society. 

“If the Jayden syndrome persists until adulthood, it can lead to depression, drug abuse and crime,” Mukhwana explains.

A teenager explains himself to his stern-looking father. Parents who are hands-on, establishing structures to guide their children, tend to raise more disciplined and grounded children.

‘Permissive parenting breeding spoilt children'

Where does Jayden come from  

Winfred Nakaweesa, a counsellor at Safe Haven Child and Family Counselling Centre in Kampala, describes the Jayden character as a product of permissive parenting — one where children are not equipped with life skills and have no boundaries. 

She illustrates this with a striking example: “The last Jayden I saw had rested his feet on someone’s shoulder. When asked to remove them, the response was that the child would cry.” 

Nakaweesa says when a child is raised with excessive permissiveness, they do whatever they want without being held accountable. Yet, as Nakaweesa points out, our environments demand conformity to certain societal norms. However, she does not blame the parents alone. 

She believes the Jayden character results from a complex interplay between parents, the environment and the children themselves. 

“It is a combination of factors, including the environment. Many parents nowadays delegate most of their responsibilities to maids, often instructing them to handle children in specific ways,” Nakaweesa notes. 

Eric Eloru, a counselling psychologist, explains that due to absentee or permissive parenting, cartoons and television dramas have taken on the role of nurturing and grooming children. 

This has led to children imitating what they see on television. “If cartoons show characters stepping on top of the dining table, children will imitate the same behaviour,” he says. 

Dr Betty Enyipu, a counselling psychologist, emphasises that a child raised by permissive parents is likely to parent their children the same way. 

“If a child experiences pain under permissive parenting, they are likely to unconsciously pass on the same kind of pain to their children,” she explains.

Identifying Jayden 

Eloru further explains that “Jaydens” often develop an “I don’t care” attitude that persists into adulthood. Such individuals tend to lack caution and are indifferent about life. 

“Jaydens often dislike responsibility. They detach from situations and avoid challenges, frequently running away from their obligations.” Dr Enyipu says Jaydens are known for giving up easily. 

“They not only give up on marriage but also life. When they get angry, their reactions are often impulsive. However, how this manifests depends on the character or value system they internalised while growing up,” she added. 

Eloru says such children are usually picky and lack emotional intelligence, making it difficult for them to understand other people’s feelings or opinions.

Eloru further explains that “Jaydens” often develop an “I don’t care” attitude that persists into adulthood. Such individuals tend to lack caution and are indifferent about life. 

Jayden in the workplace 

Jayden is often not employable. Due to the absence of a strong value system, they struggle with discipline and respect for workplace norms. 

“Jayden may get hired by a corporate company with strict dress codes but show up to work on a Monday in a T-shirt. When questioned, they often respond defiantly, attempting to justify their actions because their behaviours are untamed,” Eloru said.

How to prevent it 

In pre-colonial Africa, privileged parents, especially royals, would send their children to distant places to live with ordinary people so that they could grow up while in touch with their societies’ norms and values. 

For today’s parents, Nakaweesa recommends tipping young couples on parenting, especially during premarital counselling. 

Samuel Bakutana, the president of the Fathers’ Union in Uganda, roots for bold and firm parenting, not be mistaken for violent parenting. 

“Once that boldness goes missing in parenting, the child begins parenting the parent. The child starts directing the family, which is wrong,” he says.

Bakutana says firm parenting entails setting clear rules that everyone must follow. 

“In my family, our values are summarised as SLIDE — service, love, integrity, discipline and excellence. If someone falls short of these values, they are reminded of what needs to be done to improve,” Bakutana says, adding that setting boundaries is essential and requires children to seek permission before making certain moves. 

He also roots proactive mentoring of children. “Talk to them about their future so they are equipped with the knowledge and skills needed to make sound decisions,” he adds. 

However, Bakutana cautions that bold parenting must also be balanced with compassion, love, care, and forgiveness. “For example, if a child asks for something unreasonable, you can firmly say no but in a calm and compassionate tone,” he says.

Studies warn on soft parenting 

According to a 2024 study by Kausar, R. and Afaq, U. titled The Effects of Parenting Styles on Child Development, permissive parenting characterised by warmth and responsiveness, coupled with minimal demands and boundaries, has garnered attention for its unique influence on children’s development. 

While this approach fosters a nurturing environment, research indicates it may also lead to several challenges affecting various aspects of child growth.

“Children raised by permissive parents often exhibit lower academic achievement. The absence of enforced rules and expectations can result in a relaxed attitude towards responsibilities, leading to diminished motivation and focus in educational settings,” the study reads. 

On social competence, the study states that without clear guidelines on appropriate behaviour, children may struggle with understanding social norms and respecting authority figures. 

This can result in difficulties in peer relationships and adapting to structured environments. 

In another study by Arafat, Akter, et al (2020), titled Parenting: Types, effects and cultural variation, it is noted that in today’s fast-paced world, many parents find themselves juggling demanding careers and personal commitments, leading to limited time spent with their children. 

This scarcity can foster feelings of guilt, prompting parents to overcompensate by indulging their children’s desires. This indulgence often manifests as permissive behaviour, where parents avoid setting strict rules or boundaries to prevent conflict and maintain a positive relationship. 

Children’s behaviour must be kept in check.

However, this approach can inadvertently lead to challenges in developing self-regulation and respect for authority in children. The study also notes that sometimes parents choose this style due to lack of knowledge or awareness. 

“This lack of awareness can lead to inconsistent discipline and unclear boundaries, impacting children’s ability to navigate expectations and develop self-discipline,” the study reads. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for parents, educators and policymakers aiming to support child development. 

By recognising the effects of different parenting styles, stakeholders can work towards strategies that nurture well-rounded individuals.

The making of a Jayden 

Western/media influence  

Counsellor Winfred Nakaweesa says westernisation, largely fuelled by media, is encouraging poor parenting habits where parents imitate the parenting styles of pampering children depicted in movies. 

“This approach is often disconnected from the realities of the Ugandan context,” she notes.

Weak parenting 

Nakaweesa also points out that some parents struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, which hinders their ability to assert authority over their children. 
“Because of their own insecurities, some parents cannot confidently reprimand their children for their actions,” she says.

Overcompensation 

Parents who grew up in an environment of lack or poverty may go to unhealthy extremes to ensure their children do not miss out on the things they did. “It’s natural to want to give your children a better life, but how you implement these matters,” Nakaweesa says.

Only children, heirs apparent 

The following types of children may become Jaydens: first-borns, last-borns, heirs apparent, only child in the family, only boy/girl in the family and rich family children. Parents of such children tend to shield them from the harsh realities of life.

Misplaced priorities 

Nakaweesa also says many parents are focusing on material wealth rather than character-building. “Many parents are busy amassing wealth to make life easier for their children, but they are not preparing them for the future. What you leave in your children is far more important than what you leave for them,” she notes.